To catch everyone up, my life has been nothing but stress this semester.
My mom has struggled with cancer.
My school lost my transcripts, so I couldn't do summer school.
One of my best friends, who I looked up to, accused me of lying to her about everything, said she didn't trust me, and didn't even want to talk for a while.
The person I called my second mother accused me of being some alcoholic, anorexic, drug addicted liar.
My home life with my parents has been less than comfortable.
I have no job because of complications.
My car has broken down and tires went flat several times.
My college plans are up in the air.
And, drama never ceases to leave me alone...and somehow it's always my fault.
I wish I could say that through all this I was strong in my faith or happy. I'm good at putting on that face, but that's not always how I felt inside. Actually, I've been struggling through depression and anger for what's happened.
However, I've finally reached a breaking point. Thanks to leading the middle schoolers last night for bible study, I realized that what I was teaching was really good stuff. We watching a Nooma movie called, Rain. Rob Bell told a story about he and his son going for a walk and all the sudden it started raining.
It's a really awesome analogy for how God walks His children through the storm, but He never lets go. I guess the one that has let go is me. I gave up and I'm struggling to get back on track. For a while, I haven't really wanted to. It's too hard. Getting persecuted is apart of the Christian walk, but persecution from your own people is too much.
We've all gotten caught up in the legalism and judgment, which is sad. I've had so many people who said they would never judge me or always forgive me, do just the opposite. It has not made me question the Creator, but I definitely question the creation.
A wise man named Gandi said it best:
“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
I don't want to sit here and judge other people. That's not my intention. I know what it's like being on the judgment seat and I never want to put anyone through that. I am simply tired of some Christians that surround me. I still love them and forgive them and I will never stop. I would just like to stop hurting.
Through all of this, I have learned to be more. Do more. Give more. Love more. And have compassion for the fallen.
Going back to the previous, life has gotten a little easier.
Mom has had surgery that will hopefully make her cancer free. But there is never any certainty.
I got my transcripts to school. I just need to finish some other paperwork.
My friend and I are okay now, but she still doesn't trust me and I don't trust her much either.
I am no alcoholic, anorexic, drug addicted liar and I was able to at least say that.
I'm job searching!
My car has been fixed for now.
And, the drama? Well, you can't care every time someone brings you down.
